One Last Temple, Some Mumbo Jumbo Magical Herbs and a Farewell River Cruise.
We left our stalwart travelers dodging traffic and dumpling lines on the way to lunch on the top of another mall where it appears they cater to the tour groups. We never got the name and that’s alright. It was nice but not the hit of the trip but well done. The meal started with an interesting dish of pickled bean sprouts, pickled cukes, some unidentifiable but tasty pickled stuff, and a sausage wrapped in an orange pate of some kind wrapped in paper thin wonton skin then sliced wafer thin. Next some very tasty spring rolls followed by the usual beef something… chicken something [good flavors] bok choy, rice and a very tomatoey country soup… the best one yet. ***+ rating [the service was missing in action]
The striving for accuracy but still ever lovely Dragon Lady insists we mention that we actually strolled the streets adjacent to the YuYuan Gardens prior to lunch, stopping in various tchotchke stores so Chucky could aggravate the store keepers by picking up stuff and asking the price, only to wave off their offers of the best deal in China on some obscure relic [probably made in Hong Kong]… and that she gracefully declined to spend anything on some cute pottery that he reminded her that she had no room in the already “Squished” luggage for… but I don’t think its necessary to mention this… so we won’t.
Dragon Lady’s Notes & Observations…
The average Chinese women do not appear to wear any make up. Maybe a light lip gloss and light mascara if at all. Most are very slender and petite - the only ones that have any meat on their bones are the ancient ones.
It also seems that the Chinese have a habit of spitting, mostly the men. I am told it’s the snuff and betel nut chewing. People seem to enjoy having birds in the home - The Mynah bird seems to be most popular as they can learn to speak several languages. They also have fish of several varieties as room allows - good Feng Shui
On with our tale.
Standing on the corner of YuYuan gardens we await Mario Andretti Li’s arrival to transport us to the Temple of the Jade Buddha, one of only 4 Jade Buddha’s in China, which houses not just the largest Sitting Jade Buddha in the country but the largest reclining Jade Buddha as well. We happily arrive at this, the last temple of the tour and weave our way through various courtyards, lesser temples with gold platted Buddha’s and the ever present four kings of heaven and then more courtyards, only to climb the stairs to the “second floor” [4 flights of stairs??? Did I mention that the Chinese love their stairs?] to find a stunning pale Buddha guarded by a very stern attendant who, upon spotting my 2 cameras which were pointed a the gilded one, loudly ordered “No Photo” [hmmmm just like that officious dude in the Sistine Chapel] yeah right… Click...
We head to the next set of even steeper stairs [Dragon Lady’s knee is not liking this] to view the reclining Buddha which is conveniently placed adjacent to… the tchotchke store. [Surprised?!?] We escape with out spending a Buddha’s ransom for the overpriced imports and were off to what would turn out to be an unscheduled highlight of the Shanghai experience… an authentic Chinese Reflexology Foot Massage.
Earlier DL had asked our guide where she could get some particular Chinese herbs that were suggested by our guide in Hangzhou to aid Chucky with his condition. Chen Xue made a couple calls and found that they could be had at what turned out to be the Shanghai Institute for Homeopathic Kung Fu [I kid you not!]. first came the pitch from a very officious looking lady who had her every word translated for us regarding the foot massage, its benefits and what they can tell about your health, just from rubbing your feet [I smell a con coming on & DL is just eating this up] next we put our feet into these tubs of very hot brown herbal essence and are left to soak till our skin pealed off [well not quite, but mine nearly did… I have such delicate feet ya know]. Then while these nice young girls pummeled, mashed and manipulated our feet in ways unknown to the western world [ECSTASY! DL proclaims – Pain and Suffering I say!] we were introduced to the Director of the Institute, a David Carridine look alike [the closer] who grabs Chucky’s arm and after just a few moments of grimacing with three fingers on his pulse proceeds to tell Chucky that he has a blockage of the right kidney, diabetes, arthritis and a tumor in his neck. All this by checking my pulse?!?!?! Boy is western medicine way behind this technology!!!! [Maybe should I fire my doctors in Hollywood]. Well it didn't take him anytime to go straight to the pitch for the product. In the USA we call it Royal Bee Jelly… our interpreter called it Bee Saliva… [I call it Bee Spit but in the old Wild Wild West they called it Snake Oil] but DL is anxious to latch onto anything to help her Honey. The Master then has me straddle a chair, put out my hand and he does some Kung Fu high energy move focusing his first two fingers of his right hand at my upraised palm emitting some more strange sounds and asks [through the translator] if I felt the wind go through my palm, up my arm and into my body. Were we not in polite company you KNOW what my answer would have been, but I graciously said “Oh yeah… right up my… [DL stopped me there]. After rubbing some oil on his palm he rubs my back in the approximate area of my kidney, he asks if I feel any heat intending that to indicate he was curing my illness. “Hell yes you idiot” I was thinking… “You just rubbed camphor oil on my back, yes I'll feel the heat”. But I was polite and just nodded. After this little show DL is sold so we agree to a kings ransom for some Bee spit and other magical herbs, of which they tried to hustle her for a 6 months supply before Chucky put his foot down [gently… the skin was just barely hanging on after the scalding and pummeling]. They did give us a guarantee that if it was not effective we could send the unused portions back for a full refund. [yeah… right] We escaped before they brought out Jack and the magic beans. I do love her, bee spit and all.
We were scheduled for a farewell Dim Sum dinner but the “Special Dim Sum restaurant” that the agency booked was closed for renovation so Chen Xue suggested a “World Famous-Time Honored” spot, the name of which I never did get and we headed there after stopping at the hotel for our jackets. A front was moving and we still had the river cruise to do.
Dinner was Outstanding, very Spicy, but very well done. The meal came pretty much all at once, an interesting green veggie with a very tangy pepper [2 alarms] followed but a tofu casserole of some sort [3.5 alarms] and then a delightful beef dish… delightful until DL put a “Cute Green Thingy” in her mouth and as the top of her head burst off and the smoke poured from her ears…well almost… but you should have seen how big her eyes got before she spit it out. [Chernobyl x 2] “DO NOT eat one of those suckers!” I was instructed. By now they had served a Mongolian hot pot soup which was just that…”HOT “ [3 or 4 alarms… after the Chernobyl pepper the only thing we could taste was H O T!!!] A little beer and some green tea [grass in a glass] smoothed the edges and we enjoyed our last dinner in China.
Near the end, a little fellow at the next table caught Chucky’s eye and upon spotting the camera first became shy then decided to pose and approach our table for a closer look at the 35mm.
The cute hostess also rated a pic as did the happy bartenders, waiters and anyone else that would stand still for the Fengtzi Meiguo until DL grabbed him and pushed him towards the door.
Next stop was the Bund, as the river district is called where sightseeing boats of all shape and
description make a circuit up and back down a very busy river to see the lights and sights on both sides. Every modern skyscraper you can imagine complete with lightshows, video screens etc were in full glow as was the “Old British Concession” 5 full blocks of British influenced buildings, headquarters for the British Government and trade until seized during the cultural revolution. The digital pics are fantastic, can’t wait to see the 35mm pics. [23 rolls so far and the digital count is approaching 4000]We reluctantly headed back to the hotel with instructions to be ready at 7AM as we had an early flight. After a stop in the lobby bar for one last Remy and coffee to toast our last night in China we headed upstairs to finish packing and catch up on the NOWATS.
Our final moments in China will be recorded on the flight home as long as the laptop batteries last since we have a 2.5 hour flight to Beijing, 13.5 hours to Newark and 2.5 hours to Hollywood. [Thanks Terry for the spare] While it only looks like 18, we'll actually be traveling 24 hours to get home. But hey….
I WALKED THE WALL!
再见朋友
Zài Jiàn Péng-You
Chuck and the not looking forward to the long flight, but very satisfied with the whole trip
Dragon Lady.
