A New Beginning

5.23.7 Volume 1 No. 1
After several urgings and much trepidation, Uncle Chuck, the Wacky American Tourist has finally committed the NOWAT to a BLOG. {God save us all now!} Previously composed on the road and emailed, an ever growing distribution list made this media more practical.

For those that have heard all this before and are anxious to get on with

NOWAT CHINA...

skip past the itinerary and straight to

4.14.7 - Saturday - It Begins.

Sooooo sit back, pour another glass of your favorite beverage, prop you feet up and enjoy the trip.
We promise you it will be ANYTHING but boring.
 Ciao 4 Now,
 
Uncle Chuck & The Very Glad You Joined Us,
Dragon Lady.

NOWAT CHINA- 2007 - THIS IS ONLY A TEST!

THIS IS A TEST... THIS IS ONLY A TEST OF THE NOWAT NETWORK!!!

That's how it usually starts Dear Hearts, and innocent by-standers, Chucky and the Ever-Patient and still Most Lovely Illy are about to embark on another adventure - this is the NOWAT alert that went out to the world...

Yes Dear Hearts, Friends, Family Associates and other unnamed masochists…

The NOWAT ARE BACK!

[For the un-initiated 

NOWAT= "Notes of A Wacky American Tourist"]

And of course what would NOWAT CHINA be without those fun loving, globe trotting ever U-Turning Funsters, the "Wacky American Tourist 'Chucky and the navigationally challenged but Ever-Lovely Cuban Lady 'Illy'!!!"
Yes Chucky is FINALLY going to China
[Thank God… we thought he would never quit yammering about it and JUST DO IT... DAMMIT!!]

But fear not… all is not lost this time [nor them either... for once].
Since Chucky’s rudimentary MANDARIN is still not up to trying to drive and navigate Chinese road maps signs whether they be in Pinying "Romanized" translations or Modern Calligraphy. [well it has been 40 years since his interrupted studies of this ancient Culture], he has broken down and booked a private car, driver & local guide at each stop to speed them along their search for:

Ancient Mystery’s of The Far East
The Philosophy of the Wise elders
A Walk Upon The Great Wall…
and a bottle of Fine Rice wine.

Yes, Believe it or not, he has actually given up control
[well some, you KNOW better]
and is allowing someone else to do the driving.

And Hey… he can Officially use the term Dragon Lady when referring to his beloved’s original nickname before "Cuban Lady" became the norm now that he will be traveling in the land in which the phrase originated long ago in the ancient comic strip “Terry & The Pirates”... it's a long story... [and which of his isn’t] to be explained in person if you ever have the complete absence of mind to ask. [OhMyGawd… what were you thinking and what were you drinking at the time?]

So now... sit back and relax... pour another glass or cup of whatever you favor and prepare to enjoy Your trip to China with the Wacky American Tourist and the Ever-Lovely "Dragon Lady" Illy.

We Promise... it will be ANYTHING but Boring!

Ciao 4 Now
Chuck and the impatient for the bloody trip to begin...
Dragon Lady.

4.4.7- Itinerary

Welcome aboard

NOWAT CHINA 2007

or as it’s referred to around here “Chucky Does China”

Itinerary
Day 1 (Apr. 16, 2007), Beijing
Arrival in Beijing transfer to Novotel Xinqiao hotel for 6 nights
Relax and unwind.

Day 2 (Apr. 17, 2007), Beijing (B,L,SD)
Today's excursion begins with history of Beijing, as the capital of last 3 dynasties in Chinese feudal society. Visit the Forbidden city, Tianamen Square, Beihai Park, Jingshan Garden. Enjoy Beijing Roast duck welcome dinner.

Day 3 (Apr. 18, 2007), Beijing (B,L,D)
Today's excursion is to visit Great wall, Ming tomb, Sacred way.

Day 4 (Apr. 19, 2007), Beijing (B,L,D)
Today is to visit the famous garden in Beijing. Visit Fragrancy Mountain park, Summer palace. In the evening, you can take part in a party in Gaobeidian cultural village, and enjoy yourself as Beijing Local People.

Day 5 (Apr. 20, 2007), Beijing (B,L,D)
Today You will learn history of religion in Beijing. you will visit Yonghe Lama Temple, Baiyun Taoist temple, Confucius' temple. [we subed Temple of Heaven for the Taois Temple]

Day 6 (Apr. 21, 2007), Beijing (B,L,D)
Visit Capital Museum, Beijing Zoo with Panda house, Hutong tours.

Day 7 (Apr. 22, 2007), Beijing/Xian (B,L,SD) to Xian
Transfer to China Eastern Airlines flight MU2124 (1050/1240)to Xian, a city with a history of more than 2000 years, today you will visit City Wall, Big Wild Goose Pagoda, Bell Tower. In the evening, enjoy Dumpling dinner. Overnight at Xian Jianguo for 2 nights.

Day 8 (Apr. 23, 2007), Xian (B,L,SD)
Visit Terra-Cotta Warriors and Horses, Huaqing Hot Spring, Provincial museum, Enjoy Tang Dynasty show with dinner.

Day 9 (Apr. 24, 2007), Xian/Hangzhou (B,L,SD) to Hangzhou
Transfer morning flight China Southern Airlines CZ6931 (0900/1050) to Hangzhou, Visit Lingyin Temple, Flying Peak, Six Harmony Tower, Tea Museum. Enjoy Special Dinner of Hangzhou Flavour. Overnight at Hangzhou Ramada Haihua for 1 night.

Day 10 (Apr. 25, 2007) Hangzhou/Suzhou (B,L,D)
Cruise on West lake, HuaGangguanyu, Yuefei's Tomb, Tiger Spring. In the evening, transfer to Suzhou. Overnight at Garden View Hotel for 2 nights.

Day 11 (Apr. 26, 2007) Suzhou (B,L,D)
Visit Humble Administrators' Garden, The Garden of Fishing Net (Wangshi Yuan), Visit Watertown Tongli. [That got moved to day 12 since its on the way to Shanghai]

Day 12 (Apr. 27, 2007) Suzhou/Shanghai (B,L,D)
Visit Lingering Garden, Hanshan Temple, Tiger hill. If time allows, visit Embroidery researching center. transfer to Shanghai in the evening, Overnight at Hengshen Peninsular hotel

Day 13 (Apr. 28, 2007) Shanghai (B,L,SD)
Visit Jade Buddha Temple, Shanghai Museum, Nanjing Road, The Bund, Enjoy Farewell Ding Sum Dinner. Cruise on Huangpu River.

Day 14 (Apr. 29, 2007) Shanghai/Beijing/US (B)
Transfer to China Eastern Airlines MU5105 (1000/1220) to Beijing and connecting your international flight Continental Airlines CO88 (1545/1730) to U.S.A.

The next week will be a bit hectic getting everything arranged what with Dragon Lady flying off today to see the new Grandson in NC and not back till the 10th… leaving her in a panic that she can't get ready in time to go [who is she kidding… I do all the packing, she just emptys two closets, 1 dresser, 1 bureau, a hope chest, and a partridge in a .... etc onto the bed and expects me to cram it all into one suitcase…Samsonite doesn’t make a suitcase that damn big!!!]

The traditional “Prologue and getting started” transmission will soon follow. Hopefully a bit shorter than these first two… And if you're really lucky after each days activities I will be too pooped to pen a lengthy NOWAT and you can go about more productive and enjoyable activities such as: aunt Suzy’s mahjong tournament, your sister-in-law’s bratty kid’s [who can't walk a straight line] ballet recital or maybe root canal rather than being mildly amused at the Fun & Foibles of this Hapless Wayward Traveler and his ever trusting Dragon Lady on their quest for:
Ancient Mystery’s of The Far East
The Philosophy of the Wise elders
A Walk Upon The Great Wall
Some damn good Chotchky bargains…
and a bottle of Fine Rice wine.

Well that should hold you for a while…
Ciao 4 now,
Chuck and the Every Lovely... but Really tapping her foot to "get on with it now"...Dragon LAdy

4.14.7-SATURDAY-It Begins

Hollywood -
Preparation

Three…six... nine…

“Oh Chucky…”
“What? “
“Where are my loafers?”
“They're in your bag”

Where was I, Crap… start all over again…
Three… six…nine…twel….

“They're not here all I see are your shoes!”
“No! The other bag!”

Sheesh…I'll never get these damn pills counted.

“What…?”
“Oh nothing dear”

Yeah… we're still packing and I'm trying to get all the meds rationed out so I don’t have to take all the big bottles, [thanks to the Mail order Pill Service] and of course I packed her bag so tightly she can't find a thing…
AND WE HAVENT LEFT YET!!!

“Yes dear, I left the itinerary with Steven and Henry and half the civilized world. They all got it in the NOWAT test”

“No dear, I haven’t packed all the film in the suitcase… it's all in the camera case” [so you can forget it at security again] “What… oh nothing dear. And I have an extra memory card for your digital too”

“Yes dear, Henry has the Vets number if anything happens to the dog.”

Now… where was I, Three… Six… Nine… Twelve…Fift…Awww fughedaboudit I'll just dump this many in the tube, that should do it.

I know now why I wanted to pack two days ahead. Aside from having to beg off a charity golf tournament on Saturday because of this nasty head cold that is working its way to my chest, I just know we’re gonna do the pack and unpack trick like she did for Spain… wait till she gets the Chinese weather report in Celsius… she’ll panic and unload half her sweater drawer in the bag before I calm her down and show her the temperature in Fahrenheit.

“Chucky… Did you pack the little steam Iron”.
“Yes dear.”
“And the Big Blow dryer… not that tacky little thing we had in Italy?”
“No Dear… I packed the cute little travel one we bought last week … and what was wrong with the one in Italy… it did dry your hair didn't it?”
“Well… yeah… but… Oh now I remember… the one we bought, that is… OK… Never mind.”

And so it starts dear hearts… The Wacky American Tourist and the even Wackier but still delightful Dragon Lady, just like Columbus, are heading East by going West…but unlike the fabled Northern Italian this little Sicilian man will get to the Orient for:

The Ancient Mystery’s of The Far East

A Walk upon The Great Wall

Some damn good Tchotchke bargains…

and a bottle of Fine Rice wine.

Whereas Columbus stopped in San Salvador for a cigar and a little rum, when his A.D.D. kicked in, and he never did make it to the Orient.

And if she doesn’t stop with the “Where Is it’s”, NEITHER WILL SHE!

Oh, and a Quick Thank You to our resident Yiddish scholar, Brother Earl, Class of ’60, who has corrected my spelling of tchotchkies [from the Yiddish Tsakies]. Now she can search for them using the proper term [if she can ever learn how to pronounce it].

Its now 9PM and we’ve had a full day just getting it all together, of course, she had to run out to get a Manicure and Pedicure [gotta look good for the Chinese tour guide ya know] and a tchotchke here and a tchotchke there to take along. Then A quick [well not so quick] trip to the mall…you never have enough khaki slacks for China ya know, and of course “oh that’s a cute blouse… oh and that one too”. You get the picture.

A nice meal at Rosalia’s [our favorite Italian restaurant in the mall] and back home to finish producing the Baby Announcements for Greg and Cristina [their printer sucks], last minute instructions to Henry for shipping all that stuff north, a relaxing shower and soon to bed.

I had to stop long enough to write this much while its still fresh in my mind…too many senior moments lately. And hopefully there won't be my usual 2AM session since we have to be at the airport @ 5AM for a 7AM flight… God Bless the TSA.

I'll write "Departure" on the flight to Newark as I'm sure there will be plenty to tell between now and then especially after she tries to navigate Security with all her bangles, fanny packs, a Camera Case loaded with Film, the bag full of books and neck pillows etc. Hopefully it won’t be a repeat of Spain 2002 where I had to do an imitation of an old OJ Simpson Hertz Commercial, running through the airport dodging travelers, furniture and small children to retrieve a forgotten camera case and fanny pack with her passport and all important Credit cards [she still can't live that one down].

Ooooohhhh wellllll… this WILL be an adventure!

再见朋友
Zài Jiàn Péng-You
[that’s “Ciao 4 now Friend” in Zhong Wo Hua {Chinese}]
Chuck and the ever panicky... but still lovely...
Dragon Lady

4.15.7-Sunday

Hollywood
Departure

The Ox cart came to a rocky stop and the nice farmer motioned that we had arrived at our destination. What a lovely view of the mountain from here.

That’s funny… that dog sure looks like my dog Popepi… hey... it sounds like Popepi … wait a minute…it IS her…
and that’s my alarm clock over there and its says 5:53AM….

OHHHHHH SH!%... 

That was a dream and WE’RE LATE!!!!!!!!!

“Illy, get up, the alarm didn't go off and were late!”

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah… you pulled that one in Spain, it won’t work here in China. I'm catching 10 more minutes.”

“NO…Seriously…We’re not in China Yet… the alarm didn't work and we have 5 minutes to get to the airport…now move it!” 
I said as I yanked the covers off the still slumbering and now very cranky Dragon Lady.

Thank God the dog woke me up for her 6AM romp that she normally gets when Illy is getting ready for work and we are now scrambling.

“No time for make up…just swish with mouthwash, you can brush when we get to Newark.”

“No Teeth Brushed…. no makeup? Do you want me to scare half the airport?” She whimpers.

“No time for that… give me the bag full of lotions for security check… That’s a good girl.” She is now beginning to function more smoothly.

“Henry, Grab that bag for the car and here… take the camera case… don’t drop that film on top”

“Chucky… where’s my Passport, I can’t find my ID… do you have my phone?”

“Your phone is in the office, the passport in my trip folder and your ID is still in you purse, now get a move on.”

I shut down the laptop… no return mail from Bassman… hmmm… is he meeting us in Newark for coffee between flights? Not sure how he’s gonna navigate security since we'll be at the other end of the concourse.

A quick shove of all the toiletries and stuff into the carryon bag, one last look in the office, grab a bottle of water for Illy and head to the car.

“Henry, get in the Left lane… no all the way over… that’s it.”

“Chuck, I know how to get there… CHILL!!! We’ll get there in time.”

As visions of long lines at check in… [we can’t do it curbside as we have to go inside for passport and visa checks], and even longer lines at security race through my mind, he swerves around a BIG MUTHA truck to exit at Griffin road for the back door entrance to the terminal.

“Here… left here…damn lousy signs.”

I Got it Chuck… CHILL!”

“No… the Up ramp… terminal 1… at the end… Continental… there….behind the truck.”

"I Got it…. Just CHILLLLL Chuck!”

I jump from the car as he rolls to a stop, pull the bags from the trunk, toss the camera case and pillows at Illy, yank the carryon from the back seat, blow kisses to Henry and race off to check in.

“Oh Blessed Day!”…. The lines are short and the nice lady after spotting our harried faces takes us under her wing, right to a kiosk and check in is quick, she even prints boarding passes for China and were off to find Gate C2.

Now to security… I have visions of Spain 2002 where the lines caused us to get separated and she set off all the alarms, got confused and left the camera and passports on the x-ray belt which we didn't notice till we were half way to the gate and I had to do the OJ impression running back to retrieve it, but low and behold…NO LINES!

Sooooo… I duck under the straps only to be sent back by the curt security lady,
”You can’t duck under straps… you must walk around.”
Who is she kidding… there’s no one here… ok…ok…zig…zag….zig….zag….ZIG…and ZAG….Sheeessshh.
“Yes maaam… that’s me on the passport… I was younger then… all this zig-zaging aged me.”
“What?” She scowled.
“Nothing maaam… yes its very early for sarcasm… No the passport has not expired… see… it says April 2008…yes maammm…. Thank you Maam.” [WITCH!]

The Dragon Lady keeps track of her stuff this time and remembers to take off all the bangles before she sets off all the alarms again.

Now they want all the film out of the case before the film check so I hold up the now lengthening line to unpack all the film that I had so neatly numbered and ordered, throw the laptop in the tub with the phone, shoes, money clip, blue tooth, first born and a partridge in a pear tree…[oooops wrong song] and stumble barefoot through the magic arch without incident. Now re-stuff the carryon, jam the film, now out of sequence, back in the case… I’ll sort it in Newark, and were off to the gate.

To our good fortune… Gate C2 was right off security instead of ALLLLLL the WAAAYYYYY at the end like all of our other flights.

“Hurry Chucky… there already boarding!”

“Got it Dear… here take the pillows,,, I’ll get the camera and carryon, lets book!”

Boarding went smoothly except for the Canadian couple with the 4 bratty kids who had to swap seats three times before we could settle in and…on to Newark for the first leg of what will surely be the SAGA of A LIFETIME … ”CHINA 2007” or as the Dragon Lady has taken to calling it… “Chucky Does China”.

Yes Dear hearts…I told ya in the last note there would be chaos, confusion and drama by the time we got on the plane but….The Wacky American Tourist and the ever lovely, if not verklempt Dragon Lady are:
OFF TO CHINA!!!!!

再见朋友
Zài Jiàn Péng-You
Chuck and the now completely awake and excited
Dragon Lady.

4.15-16.7-Sunday/Monday

5PM EST Somewhere over Greenland

Just had to get this down before I lose the thought.

Dragon Chick is hanging out the window…OK… glued to the window in the Galley with the digital camera collecting evidence that global warming DOES exist regardless of what DUBYA’s experts say… that is until I explain that the guy that takes this trip a lot was a tad mistaken on location and that the water he said was supposed to be ice was actually Davis Strait between Goose Bay and Greenland. [not that I come this way that often but the map on the in-flight screen, and the flight attendant that DOES come this way far more often confirmed this minor fact.]

So now she’s sulking that I burst that bubble… she was so sure she had enough evidence for impeachment on grounds of gross stupidity…bless her li’l environmental preservationist heart.

We’re 5 hours into the flight and everyone is up and walking around doing exercises and hydrating as much as possible… pretty decent ride except for the exit from Newark which was becoming socked in by a major storm front… half an hour later and we would have been on the ground for a long time.

Before I forget… a really Big Thanks to Class of ’60 long time pal Henry Bassman for braving the storm just to run over to the terminal hoping to coax the TSA into letting him past the BASTION OF TERRIORIST PROTECTION so we could have coffee during our 2 hour layover. Yeah right… like they're gonna do that. He did however sweet talk the nice supervisor lady [always the Silver Tongued Devil… some things never change] into letting me slip outside the RING OF STERILITY and catch up on each others lives, wives and adventures [all under the ever vigilant eye of a very stern looking TSA officer] who graciously slips me into the express line back into the sterile concourse. I'm just kidding the TSA they really do a great job under some really stressful circumstances and I'm always ready to comply with their every request… except for that one guy with the rubber gloves on the way to North Carolina the last time… but that’s another chapter in another book.

Time for a nap until she comes up with something else that tickles me about her excitement.


4PM Beijing

Flight relatively uneventful… Lots of walking around to keep the circulation in the legs and lots of hydration [Thank You Jewel] and a few nice meals and snacks but 13 HOURS with 2 movies, CSI New York and the Brady Bunch?!?!?

Boy I'm glad the pilot found Beijing on the first try. Of course we got there a half hour early and someone was still in our parking space so we sat on the taxi way for another 20 minutes… then someone else forgot the key to the front door and that took another 15 minutes to find so we actually stepped on Chinese Soil… OK… the Jetway, at 215pm Beijing time on Monday 4.16… or 2AM EST… At least the Dragon Lady got some sleep but I couldn’t get any and now I'm draggin’.

Health cards, passports, Immigration and Customs were a breeze as was baggage and on to find John Zhang our guide for the next 6 days who hustled us to the car where another Zhang our driver popped the luggage in the trunk and we were off to downtown Beijing and the Novotel, our home for the next 6 days. Ohhhh Yeahhhh the Ooooofffinnng and Eeeeeeking would have started with the kamikaze traffic but John kept her attention with a rundown of what we could expect and where we would be going, along with a little cultural does and don’ts etc.

Check in is great and the room delightful until... Chucky just had to try all the plugs and the travel converter and of course he blows the fuse [hmmmm didn't this happen in Florence, Italy too]. Now to get someone at the front desk [housekeeping and service don’t answer] to understand the problem. Seconds later a knock a the door and a delightful young lady comes in and after my broken Chinglish [Mandarin/English] explanation she decides she can’t handle it and will send a manager… who turns out to be the engineer on call. I show him the plug and converter, and he immediately pops open the ceiling, resets the fuse and we begin an interesting exchange in my pidgin Chinglish and his sign language as to the effectiveness of the not so trusty travel converter and the right settings… this leads to a call to another young squire, one Jack Liu who attempted his English and resorted to writing 110v on the desk pad… more attempts on all parts to decipher the right setting for the converter and then get it into the 3 way 240v plug by the bed where I want to put the phone charger… and of course they need to test it first before they let me blow anything else up so they unplug the TV and Mini Fridge unit and drag it close enough to the plug to try blowing up the TV first before they’ll let me plug in the phone charger. All is we'll, even the blow dryer works there… not that she'll use it in front of a blank wall…but it looks like makeup will be done at the desk.
"Xie Xie’s and "Bu ke Xie's" all around and they're off to solve another wayward tourist problem.

We head out for a quick tour of the neighborhood, the department store across the way to get bottled water and maybe a more trusty converter..[hmmm this happened in Spain too] and a quick bite before we crash. Might make it a few blocks down to Tienanmen Square for the national Flag lowering ceremony… then again...probably not.

BEJING… WE’RE HERE!!!!!!

再见朋友
Zài Jiàn Péng-You
Chuck
 and the now fading fast
Dragon Lady
[Hey… she got the sleep on the plane…]

4.16.7-Monday

Beijing Day 1
Or it may be Day 2… let me check

For the First time I was actually feeling short of Breath.

“Common Chucky, just a few more steps.”
“A few more?!?!?! Looks like 10,000.”
“Quit Whining, you’ll make it… Hey remember… You're in China at Last!”

Once again I get ahead of myself, I first have to finish last night or as our agenda calls it Day 1.

After checking in and settling into our room on the 11th floor overlooking the rooftops of Northern Beijing and what may or may not be the Hotel's rooftop tennis court -it is time [as we have been know to do on arrival in a strange country] to head out and look over the immediate neighborhood, perhaps getting lost a bit in the process, maybe find a more trusty electrical converter and most importantly, large quantities of bottled water to stock our room and the car for our tours.  The hotel charges a kings ransom for a bottle [as they all do] and we had been advised that the mall just south of the hotel had market that had the same stuff for 50% of the hotel price.


Once outside the hotel we were directed

to the Subway entrance which doubles as an underground tunnel to the other side of the busy avenue [did I say BUSY?]… CHAOTIC is more like it, I thought the kamikaze’s of Italy were bad… these folks, including the motor scooters, trucks, buses, Bicycles and even the pedestrians all drive and walk as if they have a "Death Wish". All the cars are equipped with that uniquely modern device known as a turn signal of which 99% of the drivers seem to have never been properly instructed as to the benefits of its use…or… perhaps they once tried it to no avail and have since abandoned the idea of ever using it again. They do however have perfect control of the horn and brakes, which I'm sure must have to be replaced every month.

Back to the trek. The Tunnel was interesting and took us to the south side of "Chaos Boulevard" [formally known as “Dong Jiao Min Xiang"…yeah, right… I like "Chaos" better…] as we passed the World Famous Maxim’s Restaurant [one of the original Western Restaurants in Beijing] we spotted the mall and on the way, passed what looked like an interesting Restaurant and we decided to check it out on the way back. The mall is in a massive office building and laid out like a department store with many floors with individual shops lining each floor that weaves in the oddest way around the entire building and includes an ice rink in one quadrant. By now the jet lag had really taken effect on us both and we really struggled to get around the place looking for the bulk water but the tchotchke crazed Dragon Lady just had to “see what’s over there… and lets try over there”… you know the drill. I had finally had it, and declared we had to head back before they had to send a stretcher to get me to the hotel [I have never felt this whipped]

On the way back I realized the interesting restaurant we had passed earlier was the local farmer’s style fresh market [one of the very few true ones left in central Beijing] where you can buy damn near anything you can think of, from fresh fish, eels, Peking Duck, food to go, Liquor, Jewelry, every imaginable fruit and nut… practically anything that begins with an “A”. I spotted the sundry department and a 12 pack of half liter water bottles for the same price as one bottle at the hotel, hoisted it on my shoulder and trudged back to the Hotel where the Attached Picture was taken at what we assumed to be the corner of Walk and Don’t Walk.

Chucky’s first official Pic in Beijing.

I had run down to the Spa for a quick massage to get the kink out of my neck and almost fell asleep on the table., Its 1130pm and now I'm totaly fried…and this is longer than I planned. I still haven’t gotten to Day 2 the Forbidden City and the 630AM wake up call is looming. I'll just have to try and do some of Forbidden City in the car on the way to the Wall tomorrow morning… that should be interesting.

再见朋友
Zài Jiàn Péng-You
Chuck and the already out like a light
Dragon Lady.